The art of Debate

by El Smit on 23.09.10

In an equal society, debating is extremely important. Sadly, most people don’t know how to make valid arguments and defend themselves properly. They initiate debates, and fumble around with words and vague statements, all backed up by a poorly constructed thesis. Here is a brief tutorial on arguing logically, making good points and defending yourself

How it begins

A. Common topics of debate:

Politics
The Economy
The last beer in the fridge
Opponent’s sexual preference
Most badass dinosaur
Opponent’s mother

B. Common places to debate:

Bar
Roof top
Taxi drop off point
Midway through a Fifa game
Next to the washing up pile
Internet

C. Times to avoid debating

Sexual intercourse
Held at gunpoint
When someone bigger disagrees

Bring the opponent down

Use physical blemish, odours, speech impediments, dress sense and any weakness you can disclose about them.

Key insult terms

Derogatory terms are very important and often decide the outcome of the argument. Example: “Shut the hell up, tool.” Note: Be careful when structuring your arguments, don’t confuse yourself such as: “Hey bum hole, I nailed your mother.” would be a good way to tilt the balance towards your victory. “Hey Mother, I nailed a bum hole.” is not.

Evidence

A debating specialist will be able to back up anything he says with solid evidence. Example: “You’re a retard because I said so.” Note: Avoid referencing sources. It can be risky to use sources as they can often be unreliable and can leave you wide open to ridicule which is unrecoverable.
Example: “I’m dating your mother!” “That’s not possible because she died two years ago!”

Statistics

It is often useful to use statistics to back up your arguments.
Example: “100% of people surveyed who look like you are a bit simple, ergo you’re an idiot.”

Slang

Use ambiguous terms and subjective rational to confuse your opponent. Example: “Nice one cripple face, that trash talk is weak sauce.”

Defending yourself

When an opponent takes the offensive and attacks your argument, be able to counter his statement efficiently with powerful reasoning.

Rebuttal

Restate what you just said louder and more threateningly

Example: “You’re a little bitch.” “That’s not true!” “No, YOU’RE a little bitch.” Prove that the opponent’s statement meant nothing to you.
Example: “Whatever, dude…..” Then look un-phased. Be sure to apply a good poker face in this situation because if the opponent senses they’ve got to you the wound will be poked relentlessly.

Basic cause-effect retort

Example: “You can’t even spell your own name; therefore I have no time for you!”

The ‘Get Out’

Often there are times when your opponent will crystallize you in a position where you have nothing to say. Either they’ve made you backtrack and contradict yourself, or brought to light a perspective that you hadn’t thought of. When this happens, there are a few ways to defend your argument properly;

Flying Head butt
Throw an object of equal size to their head

If the same happens online be sure to use these to flip the balance in your favour;

Dos Attack
Trojan/Netbus
PHP exploit (for forums)

That’s the basics, if you ensure that you keep to these guidelines victory can be achieved with little to no hassle. Be sure to mix and match insults as they can become dated quickly, and be relentless with your approach. Good authority is the deal breaker, be sure to act as childishly as possible in all situations and always leave the debate with a good sense if achievement.

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