The Art of Finance Management

Are you paying too much for your car Insurance? Maybe you need to consolidate all your out goings into one large monthly, Painful, on your own in the showers, payment? I can’t help but feel everyone seems to offer the solution when really it’s probably going to make things worse.

I went to go compare yesterday, not because I was looking for a sweet deal on my new whip, but because I couldn’t think of anything else. I just wanted to check the football results on BBC sport, but instead typed in the URL for Go Compare, first time. I never do anything first time. Wiping my bum hole, only touched the sides, should probably give it a curtsey visit. Setting up Sky + for Ross Kemp in Afghanistan, the hell is Relic Hunter? What colour is the blood of a lobster? Red maybe…… Anyways the point is if you weren’t trying to check the scores on BBC sport, and you do have some concerns, is debt really a problem?

In some circumstances I’m afraid there is no way around it, this whole debt thing is probably going to cause you some beef. Easy way out? Write-off or declare yourself bankrupt! Look at Lady Gaga, she freakin loves bankruptcy! “I’ve gone bankrupt about four times now; my manager wants to shoot me!” She has the right idea, if you’re going to do something, do it right. Keep bouncing those cheques.
It’s easy to look for the simple way out of trouble, why do the right thing when you can just write it off and start again.

I see these Ltd companies making like origami left right and center, and cant help but feel, isn’t it too easy to dodge debt? My brother runs his own company, and has had to deal with companies dodging debt for the last 18 months. He’s always at the end of the line when administrators are stripping the carcass. Then after all the hassle caused by these dense directors, they swan over to companies house, re-register under a different name and then pickup where they left off, completely free from debt and responsibility. The banks then fall over themselves trying to give out business loans, and well, you know the rest.

My advice if you’re a) Special needs business director b) A family struggling to make ends meat c) Student strapped for cash d) The owner of every episode of Jeremy Kyle is as follows:-

A)
Please just stop it, the tax in this country is going through the roof dam it. I can’t afford smokes, beer and lap dances. I know it’s all a laugh, but hopefully the Government will wise up and you will get what you deserve. More money.
B)
Fire is awesome, and so is new stuff. If I were you, I would stop reading this and totally go burn my house down right now. The good thing about possessions is it all burns, which doesn’t matter because 99% of it was worthless rubbish. Honestly, who needs nostalgia when you can have money? Thanks to fire, all old furniture and stupid birthday presents get cashed in at retail value. Think about it, you burn your house down and instead of being penalized; you get thousands of pounds and maybe an appearance on North West tonight!
Note: Be sure to have insurance first, this IS something you need to get right first time.
C)
As a student it is your duty to spend every pound you get asap. The trick is to set up student accounts with as many banks as possible! I mean its sort of illegal, but think of all the nights out you could have with another three £1,000 overdrafts. Then when you’re all finished, leave the country and start a fresh in Iceland. No one will think to look for you there. If you do want to stay in the country then you could get a summer job or something, and try and be careful with your spending habits.
D)
These days claiming off the state couldn’t be easier, my advice, keep at it. If you’re able to stay home and watch Jeremy Kyle all day, enjoy. Lets face it, working is for people who have dignity and understand that there is more to life than day time TV and teenage pregnancy.

So there we have it, some sound advice from El Smit as always. As you’re probably aware the economy is beginning to recover so its time to peel back the floor boards and put the money in the bank. If you did decided to torch your house, play dumb and don’t worry, the beauty of fire is it cleans up after itself. No evidence.

Image Gallery

Bookmark with:

Comment